i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
