4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
