i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
