He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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