You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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