you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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