Banned from zoo.
Again?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
