so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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