How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
