I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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