At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
