So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
