And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize