So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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