Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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