i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
