Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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