goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
