I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
The Olympian is in my bed
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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