Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
