I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
