I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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