plz talk dirty to me
I just saw a hot homeless man
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
