Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
