in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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