We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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