Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
sarcasm needs its own font
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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