you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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