What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
