there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I am naked and annoyed.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
