Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
