i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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