should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
