I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
