I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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