Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
