And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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