I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
