Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
