Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
