I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
