Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
is that a dick in a sweater?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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