this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
