his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
