If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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