dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
