tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
