Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
two words: eviction party
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
