I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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