I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
