I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
