just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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